Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
