I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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