I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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