Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
