dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you made out with another girl for some wings
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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