Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
