I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize