do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
