my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Couch. On fire.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
