One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
