for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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