My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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