you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
