I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
