i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
