Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
