Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
