my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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