After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
