Jerry, you need to find god
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
