you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
