Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
