Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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