I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
