i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
