Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
