Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
