Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
