Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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