Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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