Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Randomize
