she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
