i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
