In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
