So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
