I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
