I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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