M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
