for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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