According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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