I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize