just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
