I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
