I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
