Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
