Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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