He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He keeps bees of course he's weird
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
