What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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