can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
