I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
COCAINE IS GR8
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
