dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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