so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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