He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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