waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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