I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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