Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
