so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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