i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
