You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
