The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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