he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
