and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
