I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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