do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
