if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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