Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
