Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
