Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
accomplished twins. life is a go
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
